Lost  

Further and further, I drift away,
Into an aisle of oblivion;
An array of darkness: consuming.
A perpetual gazed fixed on the only thing that matters;
Hope.

Drifting; like a boat in a storm,
Like a flickering candle;
A dying flame.
Hope; it must be tamed
Must be restored…

Clank, these rattling shackles that bind me;
They should be broken, then,
Then it will return, the substance I long for,
So tantalising, so close; but it never comes.
Like a destroyed memory; rupturde times.

For now; I am nothing; a mere speck of dust.
When I escape this maze, the perpetual gaze.
When I break the chains, when I choose a new match,
When light sheds, when the flame lives.
I will not be what I am;
Lost.

~~~

Please comment!

Thanks :study: This is for an assignment for English. Hopefully I can Improve XD

*Demyx is speechless*

That is really really good.

Are you sure?

 

Absolutely. I could never write a poem that good.

This is actually really great, as Demyx said, with all the nice metaphors/symbols. However, I do have a few questions.

the "ruptured times" kinda confuses me--is it talking about how time seems to be distorted?
Should you use ruptured? And what does it mean?

and how does "the perpetual gaze" in the 2nd line of the last stanza connect with the rest of the poem? (It just kinda feel out of place for me )

That. Was. Great. I love it. I am making a poem for English to, and it's nowhere near as good as that.
That is amazing.

Thanks guys.
also, thanks for those tips Shibe, I am fixing the errors up now!

Code:

Cool

Did you get rid of the "Clank" thing in it or its a different?

Great Work!!!

Cpt.Nemo wrote:

Did you get rid of the "Clank" thing in it or its a different?

Great Work!!!

:suspect:  maaaybe... Lol, thanks.

Haha.

Oh..it is soo sweetie

Thanks Cleo!